I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
