ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize