Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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