I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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