He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
