Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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