Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
