1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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