her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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