Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
