OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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