My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found puke in my bra..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
