I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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