Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
