He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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