You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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