just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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