I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
