matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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