I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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