I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
