uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
