So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
