Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Someone shattered a urinal.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
