It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize