When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
