i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
