She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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