I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
