I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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