I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
