Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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