we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she told me i tasted like america
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
