Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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