you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This is my gift to your gina
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
