i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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