The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
