sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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