i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
