Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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