Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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