I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
