i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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