Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
