you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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