my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
