You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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