six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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