I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
