So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
