oh god the rape fog is back!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
