I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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