why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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