Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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