I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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