i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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