I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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