Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we're making bets on your personal life
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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