Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
