it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
